So yeah lol. Drama goin on lately but eh. I'm just kickin back in my room. Listening to musics, reading Sinfest comics.. Really bored. Texting people but people are boring so its pointless. Sooo lets see.. last time I actually wrote in this.. I was with Aaron I believe.. wow that's a while ago. Me and Aaron broke up cuz we never got to see each other. Very soon after, I asked AJ out, but like I said someone had asked him ou before.. haha but he broke up with her to go out with me. We were together a bit, but then he left me cuz I wasn't talking to him. I was in a bad mood and he didn't bother to figure out why lol. I got with Kenny after AJ left me.. Me and Kenny were together about.. 4 months and he left me.. said he didn't want to hurt me when he left for the army. Well the day after he left me he was back with his ex surprise surprise. Anways in around April offfffff '06 he asked me to marry him.. I said yeah and we were engaged. He left for basic training in July that year, and got out in September. Early in '07 I broke up with him because I felt there wasn't anything between us, there was nothing to try to stay together for. He got completely pissed off, accused me of cheating on him and got on my horrible side. A little after that I went out with Duke. We lasted.. not long, once again not much communication going on so it was just better to break it off. After Duke I was single a while, not really caring to be with anyone since I had no time anyway. I was working at Cici's constantly, had barely any time for friends. Met Jon at work, chased him around for a while, around November we were kinda sorta not really together lol, I was with Sara kinda sorta too, and yeah I was just having fun. Jon moved outta town soon after, so that was done.

My niece is now 5 years old, 6 in July. She's in school. She's gotten so big ugh I hate it lol. My mom and I are getting along better lately. My Great Grandma Lala died last year after the holidays.. I moved out of my dad's house with Caitlin last November. My dad got together with a woman from Hell in my eyes. He's completely abandoned me, doesn't give a shit about me anymore. Hasn't even Tried to contact me since I left. I've been over twice to get my Nintendo 64 and my pictures but other then that I completely avoid him. The woman has completely taken over his life and he's changed. I still have my doggy Chica, and got two new babies, a pug named Fiona and a Bassett/Dauchsund mix named Isis. They're so my babies lol I love em even though they drive me insane.

What else.. Jon (lol he's mentioned tons in this journal thorughout the years..) is talkin to me again. Been quite a while since we had talked. Bobby and David popped up again too somehow. lol Past always catches up with me somehow. But hey I missed em all. It's kinda amazing how somethings can change but still seem so familiar..

Life's been hectic. Everything changed. Life is kinda really crappy. I hate how much things can change from one year to another. I haven't changed much lol. I'm so immature it's not even funny hehe. Oh well. Anyways, I'm once again out of crap to write about and this is about as much as has happened in my life lately so yeah. You're all caught up, even though there's only like 4 of you that'll read this Lol and most of you have already known all this! Haha. Ok yeah laterz

Oh my god!!! I figured out my password for this!! Lol. Ah!! I'm so gonna start writing here again! It's gonna be boring cuz I have no life but oh well!!! Hehe Yeah!! I feel awesome. That is all. Lol.

OK!!! i seriously forgot about this journal this time! lol. Bad Llama!! hehe. ok, well.. i dont know what to say now.. Eric and me are over.. god.. i miss him so much. he doesnt talk to Any of us anymore... i call and text alot, but he never answers.. im with aaron now.. its going to end soooon though.. he never talks to me and we never see each other, so whats the point.. i told him that and now he thinks im cheating on him. i dont know if i ever talked about aj, but now im kinda determined to get with him.. i finally got the guts to ask him out one day.. and it backfired lol. another girl had asked him out like a minute before me. lol, Good Job Vanessa!!! anyway.. Mushroomhead/ Dope concert tonight!! i getta go with bonnie!! lol, its going to be so funny... cuz were still short and well have to get there early to be up in front so we can see! hehe. god what else.. been trying to write more poems, but im just... stuck.. nothing comes out right anymore.. -sigh- god i fuckin miss my jon so much.. he moved on though.. hes "in love" with this other girl Already.. i dont see how.. but oh well. bonnies in a big fight with jeremiah lol. she slapped him soooo hard one day.. it was so funny.. ok.. i think this is too much lol. Laterz

P.s. look me up on Myspace  

Hey all.. wow... it really has been a while. i guess ill update u on me before i start to rant about. Me and dylan are over, we have been since two weeks after we got together. im with eric now and i hope were together for a long time.. hes awesome, hes just great to me. i cut my hair and dyed it black... Big change for me..my moms gonna be so pissed. bonnies been living wiht me this summer, so it has been pretty fun. My niece just turned 2 on the 6th... god i feel old... shes really growing up fast.. tonight she put her car seat straps on all by herself.. i almost cried Lol. ive been procrastinating with my online summer school, and now i only have 2 weeks to finish 6 weeks worth of work haha. Bad llama. ive been having some problems, mentally mostly... i think im bipolar.. and certain events have brought back very bad old memories. my brains just racing, and im getting stressed. my hairs falling out... im going to be bald.. God, i miss some kids at school so bad. bonnie might go to school wiht me next year so im definately going to have a lot more fun. i miss alot of people on the internet too. some were really great friends. scotts definately on that list. i think i pissed him off or something. im hungry.. theres no food at my house. im going to get skinny. im starving. i already went from 126 to 117 in 3 months. DAMN CHRISTIANS. sorry. randomness. anyways, like i said, im procrastinating my summer work, so im going to try to do some. haha. yeah right, ill end up at another useless site soon. laterz.

well lets see. im with dylan, he seems to like drugs more than me though but whatever. had some fun 4/20 cept im soooo pissed at my dad. he made me miss the slipknot/lamb of god/ shadows fall concert just because i ditched 2 classes to go to capital... im seriously pissed. at the capital on 4/20 its pretty much legal to smoke, and it was funny cuz dylan and estephan got stoned offf their asses, and they were all paranoid whne people started throwing bags of weed into the crowd. they were all "duuude they have knifes and shit in there.." haha.. ne wayz.. what else. school sucks. im failing again. but oh well i really dont care anymore. having huge troubles in my group. devon (tweak) got hauled off to jail becaus eof a harmless video he made at school, and caitlins getting suspended for it too, and they did nothing wrong, erika just decided to be a bitch and get them in trouble. so yeah...got invited to nates show tonight but no onell go with me so yeah.. k i should do my homework.. laterz

well lets see.. i forgot where i left off.. theres a new guy in freshman class, Dylan or some crap. everyone was so freakin excited.. freshmeat.. im thinking i might try and see if i can get him to go to my dance friday. prob wont happen. im too sissy. pope died.. im catholic but i dont really care much bout the religion,but its pretty awesome that he lived for his religion his whole life, right till his dieing day. his last word was Amen if you didnt know.. i Mihgt get to go to cheyenne wyoming for c130 rides, unless my hippy ass of a lang arts teacher doesnt quit getting on my nerves.. imma smack her lol.. a girl got arrested today in schooll.. havent heard what for though.i gotta go find a place to buy a hula skirt or leis... gotta get festive at the dance!! ok i just scared myself.. bonnie, if u read this before we talk, call me so we can go hangout, i feel seriously ignored.

oh god... im making myself iterally sick with stress.. csaps killed me cuz i couldnt remmeber shit on math sessions.. dad had some major problems.. my niece is at the point where she doesnt want to do a thing u tell her.. im failing almost all my classes Again.. last night when i went to visit my dad in the hospital (its ok, and bon, dont tell aunt or grandma nething happened to him.hes here at home. call me if u wanna know what happened, but yeah dont tell.) i had to run to bathroom and kept puking.. jesus, im serious.. im way too stressed and theres nothing i can do to calm down..

yep. been a while since i got to write in this.. me sis niece and dad finally moved out. just got our new comp.. well its new to us, its pretty old though.. but hey it works. the house and neighborhood are great. a helluva lot better then my moms.. got a new kitty, named him Shadow Knight. i dont know if i posted this yet, but jon and i got into a pretty big fight. so yeah, that ones over with finally thank god. david asked me out again but i dont know if i should say yeah, i mean He broke it off, so y should  i.. lol. im beginning to think my element leader in ROTC likes me, he talks to me Alot more and he hangs round more. eh whatever. i should just swear off guys for a while. all they do is cause me headaches. haha m son (david begay, just a friend from rotc) got kicked out of rotc cuz hes been ditching too much. and today we had to do presentations in rotc, and i stuttered like crazy. its not easy presenting while ur sick. damn i wrote alot. k laterz.

sorry ive been gone so long. mom confiscated her computer so i havent had much chance to do nething on it.. she locked it in her room. but then she made a mistake: she gave my dad a key to her room. MUhahahaha. now i getta use the comp and she wont know hehe.. but yeah. been doing really good in school cept for science. that teacher seriously needs to retire.. hes like fuckin 70.. and ive talked to alot of freshman, and almost everyone whos failing science, is in His class. is there something there or am i just wierd? well im wierd, but still. finally copied most of my cds..what else..oh yeah. got in a fight with margo.. i wish damn campus moniter hadnt caught us.. really wanted to fuck her up.. im so bored, i need a bf to pick on lol. cant wait for elitches to open.. moving in a few days, so then i really cant use comp cept if i stay after school and walk to the library.. but newayz.. um yeah.. theres a baby shower for my sisters god sister today, but we werent even really invited, just kinda a "oh they can come if they want" thing.. so i doubt were going.. they havent talked to us in years.. oh yeah, haha.. my element leader in ROTC has his little brother spying on me in P.E. i think my friend told him i like him. so yep. k im out of things to talk about.

see, all i do is write that i dont wanan talk to ppl, and al they do is talk. i decide to try something and ppl get mad at me, and try to make me not do it, blah blah blah... im glad u guys kinda sorta feel that u care, but if i say something, i dont want ppl to try to tlak me out of it..

Newayz! military ball for rotc was 14th. it was really cool. my friend proposed to his girlfriend.. it was cute. haha then my flgiht commander tried to make me dance with him, and he was pushing me backwards to the dancefloor, and i had high heels on! do u realize how hard it is to stay balanced like that? lol.took erika and bonnie with me. haha me and caitlin ahd fun. then me erika and bon slow danced all together lol. day before that was finals.. i aced my world geo final.. did good on health.. not sure at all bout my other ones..hope i at least passed em with a low grade..

ok well i think im kinda done ranting and crap.. so laterz.

im cutting myself off from ppl. be pretty easy since no one fuckin cares bout me ne more. no one talks to me so y bother talkin to them. im just gonna stop all contact wiht me. laterz.

yeah, merry xmas i guess. hope u all get what u wanted. ehh mine sucked already opened presnts 2 days ago. all i got was perfume from my nine (i dont even use perfume, what the hell), a hair curler from mom (helllllooo i dont curl my hair.), a sweater from mom (its grey but i guess its ok), and lotion and a hair brush from grandma. that pretty much sucked. i got a really cool barbie (hehe i know, imature and preppy, oh well) and Moulin Rouge from bonnie. been wanting that movie fsince it acme out but my fam hates it so wouldnt get it for me. ne wayz, yeah once again have a great one, and dont forget the true meaning of christmas: the birth of santa

yeah, nothin really to write, just been having a bad time. i have to get a damn root canal, my bfs ignoring me, one of the greatest in metal was shot and killed for no fuckin reason (rip dimebag), my grades are horrible, and im having nightmares about rudy. i keep reliving that final moment.. so yeah, imma go play on neopets and go to bed lol.

yeah, its been a while. kinda gave up, im boring, haha. yeah um.. just kinda been idle, not really doin nething, just tryin to stay out of the center and crap..yeah lol just watched degrassi and almost cried this pscho dude shot one guy and tried to kil a girl that he liked, but then another guy wrestled him for the gun and the psycho got shot in the fight..then everyone was crying, and yeah. haha. newayz...

its my bday!!! im finally 15!!! boring as hell though all ive done today is sit around watching Bubble Boy. but i getta go to the mall for a bit, stil boring but better than staying here. i got some hot topic pants from Justin, a book about DRAGONS (yay!!!) from Bonnie, and thats it so far. lol, no one luves me!!!! lol, this is kinda sad, my boyfriend didnt even call me to say happy bday, or even hi.oh well, i can find a new one at the mall tonight  haha, ok, well gonna go count down time till i get my new phone.

yeah, 2 days till my bda, but three days till i get the present i reaslly want. mom decided to be stupid bout snowboarding, sayin its too expensive, so she told me i could ge tnething else i wanted, so im getting a camera phone. not as good to me, but itll work.

8 more days till my bday! oh and btw, no more secret. not gonna tell it cuz no point, its over so yeah..

10 days till my bday! haha..yeah about my last post... my mom and i had a huge fight.. and it involved some major hitting on her part.. and at some point my head made contact with the wooden part of my couch. newayz, had a test yesterday in ROTC, i think i got at least a C... military ball is coming up soon, omg im gonna have to wear a real Dress. lol. thats gonna be a laugh. once my birthday passes ill tell ya a secret

omg.. my head hurts.. So bad..

im so happy hehe, 14 days till my bday!! im finally gonna be 15! hehe.. gotta wait till december 4th for my present from mom though.  me mom brina and bonnie are goin snowboarding! ive always wanted to, now i get to woohoo! lol. all my friends at school are buying me milky ways and theyre going to fill a trash bag with them, im going to be hyper for weeks! i love milky ways soooo much haha. wow, lots of birthdays in november.. theres bons friend toby in the first week, then jons in the second (were going to be over soon btw), my cousin mariahs in the 3rd week, davids in the 4th, and mine in the 5th. good thing i only have to buy presents for 2 of em. i wanna go see seed of chucky so bad, it looks funny. i got my report card and its not good news lol. f,f,f,c,f,c,f  oh well.. first quarters always been my screw up quarter.i need to get on track, i have 7 weeks to get grades up.im gonna fail science no matter what though, teacher hates me and i hate him so yeah , and health.. i didnt do all of my CPR tests so i failed for the semester, i have to retake the class. now to family issues hehe, dad pissed me off friday so that night me bon and margo spent the night at davids, then saturday we stayed there, that night we went to bonnies, then today i came home cuz i got bored lol. i gotta finish my burger king, so laterzzzz.